The Zen of Off Brand Soda

Example

The Doctor Is In

Greetings all.
This will be a short one today.
This week has been crazy busy, and after work today I have to run home, shower and then drive up to Brooklyn to DJ, so I expect to be exhausted for most of the weekend.
As I was wasting time this AM, I happened upon a chart listing the caffeine content of a wide variety of sodas. As I am a prodigious abuser of this most legal of chemical life enhancements, my interest was piqued.
Well, after registering an initial level of shock that my chosen poison (Diet Mountain Dew) was not at the top of the list, the lotus unfolded a little bit more when I scrolled down to view the other categories of soft drink, where my tired brain was jolted back onto the tracks by a veritable cornucopia of wildly named off-brand sodas.
I’ve always gotten a chuckle at the sorry lack of imagination that is apparently at work when big chains “create” their own knock offs of Dr. Pepper, especially WalMart’s Dr. Thunder. However, I had no idea that the faux-Doctor industry was so widespread.
Take a look at the list below and marvel at the field of unaccredited physicians crowding the shelves in the race to quench your thirst.

Diet Dr. Wham
Dr. Wham
Pibb Zero
Pibb Xtra
Dr IGAa
Diet Dr Pop
Dr Pop
Dr K
Diet Dr K
Dr Topper
Dr Publix
Dr Bob
Mr. Pibb
Diet Dr Bob
Dr Thunder
Dr Chill
Diet Dr Thunder
Dr Chek
Diet Dr Chek
Dr Lynn
Dr Perky
Diet Dr Lynn

Personally, I’m the most intrigued by Dr. Perky, which I’m guessing comes with a nipple instead of the standard cap.

The real treat for me was the list of Mountain Dew knock offs, which reads like a bulletin from the DEA on newly created, high-powered strains of marijuana and/or Ecstasy.

Diet SunDrop
Vault Citrus
SunDrop
Faygo Moon Mist
Chek Kountry Mist
Ramp Red
IGA Spring Mist
Publix Citrus Hite
Ramp
Mountain Chill
Chek Red Alert
Mountain Holler
Mountain Yeller
Clover Valley Citrus Drop
Sam’s Mountain Lightning
Chek Diet Kountry Mist
Mountain Lion
Laura Lynn Mt. Moon Drops
Big K Citrus Drop
Big K Diet Citrus Drop

Not much of substance I know, but something to mull over while you’re grilling, chilling, but hopefully not illing.

Have a great weekend.

Peace

Larry

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10 Comments

  1. I’ll vouch for Sun Drop, great stuff. Hell, it may be about as old as Mountain Dew, itself. I remember getting it as a kid on vacation in Wisconsin. I still buy one almost any time I see it.

  2. Oh, Sun Drop in a glass bottle? Can’t be beat.
    My favorite Mt. Dew knock off ever is Hy Vee grocery store’s “Hee Haw,” available in 3 liter bottles. Yikes.
    Here is a rather extensive list of PHD holders…

    http://www.marion.ohio-state.edu/fac/schul/drp/aj.html

  3. Does anyone else remember KIST besides me?

  4. Dr. Pop is really good, I always get it a Save-a-lot.

    • dr pop sucks. i dont know what it is that it tastes like. i cant put my finger on it but its nasty

    • I’m drinking some right now and it’s really not that great. It’s much too sweet and tastes kinda flat.

  5. Sun Drop was around long before mountain dew so mountain dew is a knock off of Sun Drop.

    • good to see somebody knows their history. Mt Dew was first bottled in Johnson city Tn and was a lemonaide flavored drink at first. Sundrop was first made in St. Louis Mo. in 1929 and to this day their is no better citric flavored soda. Jac

  6. I stand corrected…

  7. I have to tell you I loved this! I wasted so much time spiraling and reading this stuff the other day! Thank you. In fact, I used it on my radio show because I thought it was so funny!


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